Text Me Skullish
by DeadWoman
Summary: Texting fanfic with all sp characters. T for language!
1. Chapter 1

**Violet. **Jade

**Girl ur momma so fat she walked past my tv and I missed an omnibus of hollyoaks. **

Girl my momma is dead.

**Oh yh shit.**

**Sorry that was fletch. He formally apologises for all dat stuff.**

Its fine. I'm so glad fletch is finally watching hollyoaks tho

**Soap of the year award. Everyone gotta watch it**

We're the original fans tho

**Yes.**

**Wanna meet up for coffee?**

Coffee? Ew

**Milkshakes then?**

Sure, girl.

**Yo MAMMA IS SOOO FAT SHE CAN'T EAT A MILKSHAKE**

Fletcher, you don't eat milkshakes. -_-. Vi tell your boyfriend/idiot to get off your phone.

**WHY SHOULD I BITCH?**

Because this is Dusk and if you call Jade bitch again, I know where you live.

**Shit.**

**Ha wondered why fletch teleported away. Go dusk!**

Thank you, Violet.

Anyway, this is Jade again! Milkshake?

**Awesome. **

Where and when?

**Um, Milkshake Mania in Dublin at 2?**

It's 5pm now...

**Oh yeah I meant 2am**

Okay...

**I'm in the cinema for a james bond film w/fletcher**

Oh. And that will take 7 hours?

**That was all Fletcher. About 7?**

U need a lead for that boy.

**Tell me about it.**

See u later then!

**Fletcher. **Valkyrie.

**Heyyyy valamus. I'm bored! Wanna hang?! Xoxoooxoxoxoxox**

So many things wrong with that text. I'm starting with Valamus. Then xoxooxoxoxoxx

**I'm sooooo bored xoxoxoxoxoxxox**

And drunk?

**Noooooo xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxx**

Dude enough with the xoxoxooxoxoxox

**Ha that's my life xoxoxxoxooxox**

Don't even think that makes sense

**My life is so typical xoxooxoxooxoxox**

Typical? You're a teleporter.

**Peeps out there judging me xoxoxoxoxx**

?

**Is that a negative for the hanging xoxoxo**

YES I'm on a stakeout with Skul. Where's your girlfriend?

**At Milkshake Mania with Jade xoxoxoox**

**I do really love Vi xxoxoxooxoxoxox**

Awesome, Fletcher.

**I'm a bit drunk. Blame Anton. We hoteled over to Japan! JAPAN'S AWESOME BTW XOXXOOXOOXOXOXOX**

Okay, Fletcher. Bye.

**Bye xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

**Ghastly. **Erskine.

**I'd kiss you a million times if you did that ;) xxxx**

Okay. Hello.

**Don't play hard to get! :) xxxxx**

I'm not.

**Well come over to my office xxxx**

Um.

**You'll never regret it xxxxx**

Uh.

**I promise ;) xxxxx**

Uhkay.

**I'm playing one direction songs just for you xxxx**

Okay. Thanks?

**You're welcome, baby xxxxx**

Ghastly?

**Yeah, my amazing lover...xxxxx**

This is Erskine.

**What? **

This is Erskine.

**Um.**

Please tell me you didn't know that.

**What the hell...**

What?

**It says Tanith as my contact name for this contact.**

Haha that's what Dexter was doing on your phone then -_-

**So your office...one direction...**

Shut up. Never tell anyone.

**Too late! Official Irish Sanctuary Website. Screenshot AND copied and pasted all texts.**

I hate you.

**Mwahaha might even use Global Link and send.**

No.

No.

Erskine?

Erskine, please.

I hate you.

**Dexter. **Erskine

**I see by the Global Link that it worked?**

Yes. I'm proud

**Hilarious. Bloody hilarious.**

I know. Although you could have warned me.

**And ruined my fun of watching you struggle? No**

Haha o_-

**What the hell kinda smiley was that?**

A winking one

**You're mad**

Dex.

**Yes?**

I CAME IN ON A WRECKING BALL

I NEVER HIT SO HARD IN LOVE

**LMAO. ERSKINE YOU'RE MAD**

Thanks. Bye

**Later loser**

Peace out

**Peace in**

?

**Bye Erskine.**

**Dusk. **Sanguine

**Kiss ass.**

Huh?

**U a li'l kiss ass dude**

Li'l's my word

**Oh dude, you didn't just dibs a word**

DIBS LI'L

**Well I get Vampireness, ValHot and Crup then**

How would u use them in a sentence tho?

**With all my vampireness, ValHot would be my perfect girlfriend. Crup, that skeleton is killing me. **

Bloodie hel

**Hahahhahahahahahahaa**

Bloodie hel-my fave swear

**Spelt it wrong**

Duh. I know.

**Lol**

Why am I talking to you?

**Bc I mad cool**

**And a bit drunk **

**Bye**


	2. Chapter 2

**All characters are Derek Landy's. Blah, blah, blah. Jade is mine and Violet is my friend's (DarquesseQueenOfDarkness). Read her stories. She's fab. **

**Skulduggery. **Valkyrie.

**R u awake? Stakeout Day 2 is today **

Oh good I can't contain my excitement.

**Sarcasm?**

Nooooo

**Sarcasm?**

**Eye lasers?**

Lol

**-_- back**

**So r u awake?**

Yeah

Pick me up in an hour at pier

**Okay.**

**Love you.**

3 love you too

**China **Skulduggery

**Hello, Skulduggery, I got your email. What's up?**

Hi China. You're a woman right?

**I guess. -_- bit surprised you had to ask though.**

Oh I remember that you're all woman ;)

Sorry that was Saracen

**Ah okay. Why? **

He stole my phone.

**No why are you asking if I'm a woman...**

Oh right. Well, I was going to ask your advice about something.

**About what?**

About rings.

**What about rings?**

About what would suit people.

**And who are these people?**

Are you going to make me say it?

**Yes.**

**Ghastly. **Skulduggery

Fine! I'm going to propose to Valkyrie! And I need your opinion on rings! Okay?

**Hi Skul.**

**It's Ghastly. **

**Guess you got wrong number?**

**But OMFG YOU'RE PROPOSING!**

**That was Tanith. I'm more manly than that.**

**OMG OMG OMG YOU'RE PROPOSING TO VAL! XOXOOXOXOXOX 3 3 3**

That was Tanith?

**No, it was me :)**

My God. You're such a girl.

Anyway, I meant to text that to China because she's a girl.

**...Well done...**

And she was going to help me pick a ring that suited Valkyrie.

**!**

**Is it a good idea to have an ex-flame pick out the ring for your new flame?**

Don't let Valkyrie hear you calling her a flame.

**-_- laser eyes**

How do you know about that? That's mine and Val's thing!

**She text me saying : Ghastly, what smiley is this -_-**

Lol

**China **Erskine

**Skulduggery? Why aren't you replying? I know you're proposing to Valkyrie. I was just teasing you. Are you sure that this is the right decision? One that you're going to spend the rest of your life with?**

Dafuq?

**Grand Mage, language!**

Skul is proposing to Val?

**Yes, Erskine, he is. Why are you so shocked? It was inevitable this day would come. **

My wingman. My skul-bro. My everything.

**Let him go, Erskine.**

**Laser eyes? Did Valkyrie text you too?**

Yes. So you were asking him if he was sure about the proposal...do you know Skul and Val? They've known each other for ten years!

**He does rush into things sometimes.**

**When?**

**His marriage with his first wife.**

China, back off, bitch.

That was Dexter

But I agree

Back off

**Sorry, Grand Mage.**

**China **Skulduggery

**Skulduggery, I'm glad you're proposing to Valkyrie. I hope you have a great life together.**

Thanks, China.

**You're welcome.**

...

**And SCENE. Got a school trip tomorrow so no updates. Be too tired and just want to watch Hollyoaks. **


	3. Chapter 3 : Valduggery

**Valkyrie **Skulduggery

**Skul? **

Yes?

**You haven't spoken to me since 6pm last night after our "romantic" dinner when you kept being weird. It's now 1pm.**

Yes.

**So are you mad at me? I'm really worried, Skulduggery.**

I can't really say what's wrong.

**Is it my fault?**

No.

**So who's fault is it? **

I forgot what day it was yesterday.

**It was a Wednesday.**

No, what that day was the anniversary of.

**Skulduggery, please tell me what's wrong.**

**Ghastly **Skulduggery

**She was a good woman, Skulduggery, Marie. She was a really good woman.**

You remembered and I forgot.

**Skulduggery, don't beat yourself up about it, please.**

I forgot it for god's sake.

I forgot Marie!

**You were distracted!**

With what! Proposing to my new girlfriend! Which I didn't even do!

**Ah yeah, I was gonna ask you about that.**

I remembered halfway through dinner and I couldn't do it.

**You love Valkyrie though**

It would feel like betraying Marie and Elizabeth.

**Skulduggery...call me **

No.

**Why not?**

I can't, Ghastly, I'm just in a bad place right now and I need some peace and quiet.

_One new voice mail from Ghastly Bespoke: "Skulduggery, please, I really need to talk to you. She was my friend and Elizabeth was my god-daughter too, you know. Or at least tell Valkyrie what's wrong. She's really worried about you. She's over here now, at mine and Tanith's place, so if you want to talk to me or her, come round."_

**Tanith **Valkyrie

**If you're wondering, Skulduggery is at our house**

Oh God, I'm not sure whether to talk to him or not.

**I don't know what's wrong with him, Ghastly knows but he won't tell me.**

What's happening?

**Skulduggery's in the kitchen with Ghastly and I'm watching a Hollyoaks marathon in the living room with my pregnancy books.**

Should I come over?

**Yes, I'm lonely.**

**But also yes, come talk to Skulduggery**

I'm so nervous. What do I say?

**Skulduggery, I'm your girlfriend, please tell me what's wrong, right now.**

And then?

**If he won't tell you, say "well if you're not going to trust and confide in me, we're over"**

Tanith! I'm not breaking up with him!

**The men are coming out of the kitchen, got to go**

**Skulduggery's Example Texts : helped to write by Ghastly Bespoke (Elder and tailor)**

**Valkyrie Cain, Stephanie Edgely, Darquesse, you are the light to my darkness. You make me human again. Marry me.**

**I love you. Marry me.**

("Ghastly, I'm not asking her to marry me! Change the tune").

**Valkyrie, yesterday was unsettling for me. Because halfway through our date I realised something**

**Marry me, Valkyr**

**Valkyrie, Skulduggery hit Ghastly. Hit him for Ghastly.**

**Skulduggery **Valkyrie

**Valkyrie, you may have been wondering why I have been quiet and a bit off for a while.**

I assumed you were finally reaching the rotting stage of death.

**This is serious**

Sorry, I know it is, but I'm just trying to make light of this. So, what's wrong?

**Valkyrie Cain, if I tell you this, I need to make you swear that you will say yes to the next question.**

Skulduggery, I can't promise if I don't know the question.

**Will you marry me?**

Skulduggery...you've been acting odd with me lately. Do we want this?

**It was my wife and daughter's death anniversary yesterday and I forgot.**

Yes.

**Yes?**

I will marry you.

I am so sorry, Skulduggery Pleasant.

What were their names?

**My wife was called Marie and my daughter was called Elizabeth. **

Elizabeth Pleasant?

**Elizabeth Tailor. The first word she said was Tailor. She was never old enough to choose her own name.**

I guess Ghastly taught her tailor?

**He was her godfather**

Oh my God, so Elizabeth meant a lot to all of you.

**Yes.**

I am so sorry.

**It's fine.**

Do you want to come to Gordon's and talk about it and them?

**Yes please, Valkyrie.**

Come over whenever you're ready. I'm here until 11am tomorrow.

**Thank you. **

**For understanding me, for being my fiancee, for everything.**

You're welcome.

And thank you for everything. For saving me that first day in Gordon's house, for talking to me at the funeral, for being my best friend, my boyfriend and now my fiancee.

**I'm outside the door**

_Two new voice mails for Valkyrie Cain: Tanith Low: "I guess it's all gone okay since you've been missing for a couple of days. Are you holed up in your house? Love you, Valkyrie, have fun and be safe."_

_Gordon Edgely: "you're still in my house, aren't you? Three whole days. You'd think you've run out of food by now. Hurry up and get out. I have a lady friend over tonight. I'd come tell you personally but I'm afraid of what I'm going to see."_

**NEW GIRL AND MINDY PROJECT TONIGHT! I'm SO EXCITED! Oh yeah, I made Elizabeth and Marie up as Skulduggery's family names. Thanks for following and reviewing! **


	4. Chapter 4 : Pure Dusk

**All Derek's characters. Derek also replied to me on twitter and said that he MIGHT kill Dusk so this is all a Dusk chapter. With a bit of everyone else.**

**Dusk **Valkyrie

**Hi it's Dusk**

What's up? How did you get my number? Is something wrong?

**I'm flattered but nothing's wrong with me**

**Just a business thing**

How did you get my number?

And what business thing?

**About Sanctuary**

HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?

Oh, what about it? Are you gonna blow it up?

**No. This is kind of embarrassing since we're mortal enemies but we have this connection and all**

HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?!

Connection...okay...

**Can I have a job there? Crime isn't working out for me**

Lol.

Wait are you serious?

Ommmmmm

**Have you taken to Buddhism?**

What?

**Meditation. Ommm**

Oh, no, I'm just normal.

**And Buddha's aren't?**

Right. So. Job?

**Job. Preferably one out in the field. I could be your lackey. Like in golf. Where they carry bags?**

I thought they were called caddies? As in A Caddy.

**I'm not sure. I don't play golf. Only mini golf on dates.**

You go on dates?

**Yes. I am a man. ;)**

I know you're a man ;)

**;D**

MEANT TO PUT SMILEY FACE. I WAS NOT WINKING OR FLIRTING AT/WITH YOU

**Course not, Valkyrie, but dat connection tho**

Never say dat again

**Sorry, Valkyrie.**

I'll call you later about the job.

**Thank you, darlin'**

**That was sanguine**

Why are you hanging out?

**We share a flat. Bachelor pad ;) 24/7 babe**

Okay. That's something I didn't want to know. I'll call you later. I want to end this conversation.

**Valkyrie **Tanith

**Your ex-fiancee shares a flat with Dusk. Prepare to be scared.**

Oh gross. What if they GET ON IT

**Get on it?**

Get together s-e-x-u-a-l-l-y

**Why are you spelling it out?**

In case Skulduggery reads these and tells you off

**He can spell, Tanith**

**And he won't tell me off. He knows what we talk about.**

Dusk and Sanguine having sex?

**EW GROSS**

**Sorry that was Violet. Her and Fletcher are very naïve and innocent.**

Haha we're busted.

Got to go, Vally, Ghastly is calling xxxxxx

**;) sure off you go to your boyfriend**

Fiancee ;)

**Haha forgot. Off you go to your fiancee then**

**For s-e-x**

...

**To: BillySanguine .uk**

**From: DuskVampire .uk**

**Subject: room mates**

Sanguine,

What the hell is this note? Found it on my bed. Is it from you?

_Hi, it's me, darlin', and I was hoping you'd use the edible underwear I left you in my bedroom! Maybe tonight at 9pm on my bed? Love Your Darlin'_

From Dusk

**Sanguine **Dusk

**I just got your email. **

And?

**Its not you I wrote that to.**

Who is it then?

**Our cleaner, Francesca. She's ItaLizn and hot as hell.**

PLAYEERRRRRRR

**No**

Okay bye

**Quoting Frozen **

Okay bye

**Dusk **Erskine

**Hello, my name is Dusk Vampire, and I have been referred to the Sanctuary for a job by Valkyrie Cain. **

This is Grand Mage Erskine Ravel's mobile. I am his personal assistant, Liz Luck. Should I tell the Grand Mage of your message?

**Yes please, Liz Luck. **

Please wait one minute.

Hi, it's Erskine. Hey Dusk. So Val told me about the job you want

**Yeah, anything in the field really.**

We have several jobs open at the moment.

Cleaner.

Security guard.

Prison guard.

Cleaver.

Field agent.

**Field agent?**

Yeah, have you ever watched CSI or something like that? It's what they do. Val and Skul are still the main detectives but you handle the small cases.

Having a vampire on our pay roll and in our team will really show how bonded we are to the magical community as a whole.

**That was very official.**

I know, I'm so proud of myself.

I'm working on a speech and I'm rubbish at writing them.

**Field agent sounds great! But I'm also good at writing speeches. I've been around a long time, Ravel, and I have experienced centuries of language and speech-writing. I used to be a vicar.**

**When I was alive**

**:(**

I'll tell Ghastly and Mist then. Can you write my speech?

**No problem, what's it about?**

About how mages here at the Irish Sanctuary are connected to the other creatures of the magical community.

I'm saying it in-front of a huge audience, all our Sanctuary, some of the English Sanctuary and then it's being recorded for the Global Link.

**No pressure then. **

**I'll start writing now then I'll e-mail it to you?**

Sure! Email it to LizLuck .uk Thanks, Dusk! My new employee! Bye

**To: LizLuck .uk**

**From: DuskVampire .uk**

**Subject: Erskine's Speech**

Mages, co-workers, friends, I am Erskine Ravel, Grand Mage of the Irish Sanctuary and ex-Dead Man. Although, I suppose I am still a Dead Man. Here, at our Sanctuary, we believe in equality. And equality comes hand in hand with other creatures, such as vampires, hags and Springheeled Jacks. We should accept these and other creatures into this community of mages, as we are all of magical descent.

**(Document carries on for eight more pages that are too boring to write)**

**Dusk **Erskine

**Did you do well on the speech?**

No. At first it was great and interesting with all the statistics and facts and stories then after three pages, it got boring.

**What? It wasn't boring. It was awesome!**

You rambled on about vampires for four pages. Then the remaining page you just asked weird "deep" questions

**Why does the Earth spin? If it stopped, would we stop?**

**Does love at first sight really exist? I think it does. **

The ladies did love that one.

**See! **

Stick to your field agent job.

**Fine.**

**Dusk's Memo On Phone**

•_remember GOT JOB on Monday 9am. _

•_tell Sanguine about job _

•_rent needs paying_

•_what are those chocolate stars with faces called?_

•_thank Valkyrie_

•_write a speech for Ghastly_

•_TELL JADE ABOUT MY FEELINGS ;)_

•_Warn Vi about putting super glue in Fletch's hair gel lololololololol_

**...**

**I'm bored and there's nothing on TV. Dusk is a hot vampire. A very hot vampire. Seriously HOT. **


	5. Chapter 5 : Song Lyrics (romantic)

**My Dead Men. My Monster Hunters. My Everything. These are song lyrics being texted between my favourite SP relationships. **

**Ghastly **Tanith

**When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky. Or a beautiful sunrise. There's so much they hold**

And just like them old stars (scars) I see that you've come so far. To be right where you are.

**How old is your (remnant) soul?**

I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough. I'm giving you all my love.

**Anton **Jade

**Guess this means you're sorry. You're standing at my door. Guess this means you take back. All you said before. Like how much you want it. Anyone but me. Said you'd never come back. But here you are again.**

'Cause we belong together now. Forever united here somehow. You got a piece of me.

**And honestly? My life would suck without you.**

Baby I was stupid. Telling you goodbye. Baby I was wrong for trying to pick a fight. I know that I've got issues but you're pretty messed up too. Either way I found out.

**I'm nothing without you.**

**Valkyrie **Skulduggery

**Standing in the light, wondering why it don't move. Trying to give in. Watching people break the rules. Maybe the man in charge (Erskine) doesn't like my face. Then this world's not always good.**

Nothing's real but love. Nothing's real but love. No money, no house, no car, can beat the love.

**Departure's over now. As we joke around like fools. See who can be the worst. Watch what I can do.**

But then the door gets slammed. Slammed right in my face. And I guess this worlds not always good.

**Nothing's real but love. **

**China **Skulduggery

**No I can't take one more step towards you. Cause all that's waiting is regret. Don't you know, I'm not your ghost anymore. **

You lost the love I loved the most. I learned to live half-alive. And now you want me one more time. Who do you think you are? Running round, leaving scars. Collecting your jar of hearts. And tearing love apart.

You're gonna catch a cold. From the ice inside your soul. Don't come back to me. Who do you think you are?

**I hear you're asking all around if I am anywhere to be found. I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms. **

**...**

**Songs are I won't give up (glee version). My life would suck without you (kelly clarkson) and jar of hearts (glee version) **


	6. Chapter 6 : Fletchlet

**Am making new Valkyrie and various Val-relationships tonight. So yay. Also need to update other fanfic. Oops. Kind of abandoned that one.**

**Violet. **Fletcher.

**Hi xxx**

Hey what's up xxx

**Am wondering what to do tonight xxx**

Well it's a very special day xx xxx

**It is xx xxx**

Are you surprised I remembered xxx

**Maybe...xxxxx**

Well what have you got me xxx

**That's a secret xxx**

Please, Vi xx xxx

**Um. I got you an awesome hair accessory xxx**

YES you'll love your present then xxx

**XD yay! I love presents! Will talk later. Work to do xx xxx**

Love you and remember tonight ;) xxx

**Love you too xxx**

**Violet **Valkyrie

**VALKYRIE WHY IS FLETCHER ON ABOUT US BUYING EACH OTHER PRESENTS AND WHAT'S TONIGHT/TODAY? **

I don't know! Ask Tanith. I'm busy with the skeleton man.

**Violet **Tanith

**WHY IS TODAY IMPORTANT FOR ME AND FLETCH'S RELATIONSHIP? PRESENT GIVING? WHAT?**

Hahahhhahahahahahaahha.

You forgot?

**Yes! WHAT IS TODAY?**

I don't know.

Hahahahahahahahahhahaha

Bye

**Fletcher **Violet

**Where are you? I came over to the Sanctuary and Ersky said you had a day off? But thought you said you were doing work? Xxxxxxx**

Heh sorry. Our Special Day Work. Xxxx

**Aww let you get back to it then xxxxxxx**

**Violet **Thrasher

**KNOCK KNOCK**

Ooh I love jokes! Who's there?

**I AM **

I am who?

**I AM ROYALLY SCREWED IF SOMEONE DOESN'T TELL ME WHY TODAY IS IMPORTANT IN MINE AND FLETCHERS RELATIONSHIP!**

Lol! That's hilarious! Happy friday 13th!

**Violet **RIP

**Hi who is this...your contact name is RIP...**

This is Myra. Why am I RIP?

**MYRA. HI. NO REASON. **

So why did you text me?

**It's Fletcher's and mine's special day today. **

I know. It's also a year since he broke up with me for YOU

Not that I am harbouring any anger or resentment or ANYTHING

**Oh thanks! Thank you sooooo much!**

What for?

**It's our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY! YESSS**

**...**

**A short bit of Fletchlet for DarquesseQueenOfDarkness. You're welcome. Also Hollyoaks! Maxine and Patrick :( **


	7. Chapter 7 : double dates and lads night

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**MATE WHERE R U? IT'S MAD AND FILLED WITH LADEEZ IN HERE **

**I AM SO HAWT**

**AND POPULAR WITH DA LADEEZ**

Haha okay, mate. You're sitting in the same taxi as me.

You're a weird drunk

**I AM NOT DRUNK. I AM IRONMAN.**

You keep singing 1D songs to the taxi driver

**DUDE THE TAXI DRIVER WANTS ME BADDDDD**

R u now gay?

**HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA**

Well that wasn't a yes or a no

**YES? NO? AREN'T THESE RHETORICAL ANSWERS?**

No such thing

**THAT WAS A RHETTY QUESTION! **

Lol. You're so strange.

**Saracen **Valkyrie

**How's the double date ;)**

With that wink, I'm thinking that you think double date is a code word for orgy

**Course not ;D**

Are you drunk?

**No, I'm seriously not. Erskine's passed out on the street, Anton's ballroom dancing with a stripper pole he ripped from a strip club and Dexter's snogging this girl. **

Sounds fun xD

**It is. So how's the date?**

Guhhhh. Ghanith keep snogging and being SO BLOODY ROMANTIC. THEN ME AND SKUL KEEP ARGUING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

**Glee?**

We're past glee now. We've agreed to disaglee

**Lol disaglee**

Like my pun?

Oh god skul's now commenting that I'm texting you A LOT

**C u tomorrow then. When your not going to be accused of cheating. **

Haha thanks. Bye

**Ghastly **Tanith

**THIS DATE IS A DISASTER**

God help us all! Where r u

**Texting under the table as skul rants about not being able to eat and valkyrie and relationships and UGH**

**Where r u? **

In ladies loos with val ranting about skul moaning and skul and relationships

**Shall we make our exit?**

YES

**Say it was a success tho**

Kk love you

**LOVE YOUUUUUU BEBBY2**


	8. Chapter 8

**Saracen **Dexter

**Hey, Dex Vex! Where r u? I'm missing you a lot, haven't seen you in a while. Hope all's okay. I mean. We haven't properly spoken since the war. **

**I thought things would be different now.**

**Sorry. That was stupid. **

It's fine, Rue. Just, please, leave me alone. I'm adjusting to living life without three of my best friends. Four, if you count Valkyrie.

**Dexter, please, talk to me. skulduggery's not the same as having you around. He's so focused on getting you back and the reflection, Stephanie, seems to suck up his time.**

**It isn't good, Dex, he's getting used to her as a person. **

Maybe she deserves to be treated humanely.

**No, Dexter, she's a reflection. IT's a reflection. A mere copy of life. **

Rue, go away. Stop this. I can't handle you. Or Skulduggery. Don't try and talk to me for a while. A long while.

**Saracen **Fletcher

**Fletch, have you seen Skulduggery or Stephanie recently?**

No, Saracen, I haven't. I'm sorry but I haven't spoken to Skulduggery for, God, about three months? And only then I said hey and had idle chit-chat.

**Skulduggery doesn't like idle chit-chat. **

Exactly. So it was basically hey, how are you, what's new, where's Darquesse now, what's up.

**I haven't spoken to him for four months. Except an email.**

Email's don't count.

**Exactly.**

Saracen, I have to go. Talk soon?

**Talk soon. **

_Four months later..._

Dexter **Saracen **

Can we talk?

**Wow. The elusive Dexter frickin' Vex asking to TALK? Now I must be hallucinating.**

Don't be an asshole, Rue, I just need to talk about stuff.

**Stuff?**

Stuff.

**Sounds fun, my friend, but I am a very busy man.**

Rue. I'm going to call you. You're going to pick up. We are going to TALK ABOUT THINGS and then you will be civilised.

**Three missed calls from The Asshole Called Vex **

Rue, PICK UP NOW.

Rue: what do you want?

Vex: finally you pick up

Vex: and you call me elusive

Rue: since our little conversation I realised. Why should I be ready to go anywhere at your call? So I got myself a life.

Vex: I miss you all.

Rue: and I missed you

Vex: past tense?

Rue: very

Vex: I took months getting over Ravel and Bespoke and Shudder and Cain

Rue: what's with the last names?

Vex: they can be used as mere adjectives and words, they hold no significant pain. Ravel as in unravel. Bespoke as in tailor. Shudder as in shiver. Cain as in-well, an idiot spelling of cane. And now they hold only a small amount of pain. I will never heal. The scars are too deep but if I numb the pain, talk to my friends, my remaining friends then it will all be okay. Okay?

Rue: touching speech, Vex.

(silence for a minute)

Rue: Rue means regret.

Vex: I know

Rue: I regret every moment. I regret not knowing that Erskine was bad. My power is knowing and I didn't know! How stupid does that make me? How much of a conceited self-centred self-obsessed person does that make me?

Vex: touching speech, Rue.

Rue: shut up, you aren't any better.

Vex: I regret it all too.

Rue: have you heard off Skulduggery?

Vex: I saw him and Stephanie the other week.

Rue: oh?

Vex: they seem to get along

Rue: of course they do, he needs to remember that it isn't Valkyrie. It isn't a real person.

Vex: she's got a personality. _Person_ality.

Rue: that doesn't change anything, Erskine had a personality. A good sense of humour. He's not a person, he's a devil. He's a demon sent from the fiery depths of Hell to condemn us all to misery and a Hell on Earth.

Vex: woah

Rue: I've sort of been writing. Gordon inspired me.

Vex: you've seen Gordon? How is he?

Rue: sad. lonely.

Vex: oh dear

Rue: is that all you can say? Oh dear?

Vex: what am I meant to say?

Rue: shit, I'll go visit him soon and comfort him.

Vex: well that then

Vex: rue?

Vex: damn it

**Vex **Rue

**You hung up?**

Yes

**Why?**

why what? Why don't you care about your friends? Why are you creating a void between us? Why are you ignoring me? Why don't you admit that that kiss meant something?

**Saracen.**

What? Doesn't that name hold too much emotional pain?

**Shut up.**

Did the kiss mean ANYTHING to you?

Or was it just a kiss.

**It was a mistake**

Fine

**It was a mistake to not have taken you back to my hotel that night. It was a mistake to have ignored you for months.**

**It was a mistake to block you out.**

It was a mistake that you made, Dexter, and I can't forgive you yet

**I love you, Saracen Rue, god dang it and I love your smile and your dimples and your puppy fat and your relative shortness and your kissing techniques and I love you.**

Dexter frickin' Vex, you got my heart again.

**I love you.**

I'm sorry. I'll have to take my heart back.

**Saracen...**

No. It won't work. Nothing will ever work again. I am ice and stone.

**I am in love with you.**

And I you but it isn't enough.

**We deserve happiness **

I can't do it. I can't admit that everything in the last couple of months, the pretend playboy act was a ruse.

**I love you so much **

As a boyfriend?

**As more.**

As a love of your life who you want to spend your remaining 500 or so years with?

**As that. Maybe more.**

**possibly more.**

**Definitely more.**

**More.**

**More.**

**More.**

More.

_Oops this turned vaguely Dexcen-y. Ah who gives a shit when they are the most perfect gay 'ship in the whole goddamn series? (monster hunters run a close 2nd). And I say vaguely Dexcen-y but it's got a strong STRONG tone of Dexcen running through here with several fuck you's to the reflection. _


	9. Chapter 9 : 9 Chapters for 9 Books

_Welcome to the Final Chapter of Text Me Skullish. Set after LSODM._

**Stephanie **Skulduggery

**Hey what r we doing today?**

We're hunting Darquesse as usual.

**Oh yh u told me yesterday :D**

Today is not a day for smiles, Stephanie.

**What? Why?**

it has been exactly one year since ghastly and Anton's death and erskine's demotion as my friend.

**oh. I forgot it was today. I thought it was next week. I'm very sorry, Skulduggery, I miss them too.**

No you don't. You never knew them.

**Through Valkyrie's memories I did **

Darquesse's memories, there is no Valkyrie anymore

**Skulduggery **

Yes?

**Never mind. Let's go Hunt Darquesse.**

China **Skulduggery **

Skulduggery Pleasant! Where have you been? Only Stephanie came to the sanctuary briefing this morning and I know it's the anniversary of your friends deaths but I would like to have someone I fully trust in the meeting as Stephanie isn't one that one would trust.

**Sorry**

Skulduggery I expect more than one word. I wouldn't even mind if you replied in the atrocious 'text talk' of this generation as long as you just TALK to me. I don't want us to become distant.

**I'll be back at work tomorrow **

Not good enough, Detective, there are three hour gaps between I sending my messages and you reluctantly, I gather, replying. where are you? Stephanie has been here all day, prowling through our filing cabinets. I don't know if that is what she is supposed to be doing or not. Anyway, I don't like that someone who tried to murder Valkyrie and succeeded in murdering her cousin is looking at the Sanctuary's personal papers.

**She's meant to be doing that **

Aren't you supervising her? What happened to the iron fist Skulduggery Pleasant kept over his friends? To make sure they didn't get hurt?

**Look what happened to Ghastly and Anton, that didn't work, did it? And Larrikin and Hopeless.**

**And Valkyrie.**

Skulduggery, I wouldn't have thought that you'd turn into an egotistical self-centred mopy bastard who only cares about what he couldn't do, not what he could achieve.

**I wasn't egotistical and self-centred before?**

I presume so but as you blanked me out for a couple of years I can't remember. It'd be better if you spoke to me so I could judge you again and make sarcastic comments.

**She's gone, China. **

Who has?

**Don't play dumb. Valkyrie. She has gone. And she's not coming back. Darquesse's good mood swings now.**

Don't be so incredibly stupid. She is coming back. You know why? Because we have a new 'weapon' against Darquesse. Doctor Nye has been working with souls for a while now. He experiments and he practices. Yesterday, I received a call from Roarhaven Prison. That Nye had made a breakthrough with his work.

**What are you trying to say?**

At this very moment, Doctor Nye is experimenting on a captured Tanith Low, with Billy-Ray Sanguine in a jail cell under constant supervision. How does it feel that Ghastly's hopes and dreams have finally been accomplished?

**They haven't been accomplished until Sanguine is dead and buried and Tanith is married to Ghastly.**

We have made Sanguine sign a treaty, he promises that we can murder him if and only if he commits a crime or goes against us. Other than that, he is treated as one of us. He is now a Sanctuary agent, Detective.

**That son of a bitch does not deserve that title.**

Yet he has got it. We are on low supplies of agents and operatives as the lifespan seems to be getting lower for any Sanctuary worker. Look at all those killed in Davina's blast or in the Siege of Roarhaven.

Skulduggery, I don't want this. I don't want him there. But let him, okay? Let him be part of this.

Skulduggery? Stephanie has told me that you had a rather brash argument with her last night. Are you coming in today?

Stephanie's rather upset. You said hurtful things and its not that I don't dispute them, it's that you need to work together to defeat Darquesse.

**Ok **

**Tanith **Skulduggery

**I'm here. It's me. Oh my god. Skulduggery. I can't believe this. The last couple of years are a big blank hole in my memory. Guess that's what it was like for Ghastly as a statue. I remember Valkyrie being possessed then oh my god I woke up with Nye hanging over my head. I heard. About Ghastly. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. You knew him longer and better but my heart. Is. Breaking. I can't. Deal with this. It's too hard. I can't do this anymore. I was told about how he. Died. And I. **

**I'm sorry. Skulduggery. About Ravel and Shudder and. Ghastly. Ghastly.**

**Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly.**

**I guess I'm rambling and repeating myself. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Nye and the nice doctor woman told me that I'm in shock. Shock. Shock. It's like a shock. To my heart I mean. And I can't handle shock. I never was good with bad news. That's when bad news didn't affect me. That much. Now. It. Affects me. Everyone. Everything in my life. Changed. Shock. Shock. Shock. God. God. oh my god. Ghastly. **

**Valkyrie. Darquesse. I can't believe she didn't. Tell me. More shock. Shock. I heard all the stories. Dead men tales. Legends now. The war. How did I. Do in the war. Apparently I was trying to save. Darquesse. Valkyrie. I don't know. Anything anymore. Shock shock shock. Valkyrie Valkyrie Valkyrie. Darquesse. Three words for three deaths. Shudder Valkyrie ghastly. **

**Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly. Oh my god. Ghastly. **

Ghastly.

**Skulduggery **Stephanie

**Stephanie please come to my house at 10pm. Me and Tanith shall be there. Waiting for you.**

Uh sure? I guess I'll sneak out. Or I'll tell mum that I'm sleeping at Hannah's. Should I come earlier?

**No.**

**just 10pm. Would be perfect.**

**Thank. You.**

**Tanith **Sanguine

**Have you done it yet?**

No. Are you sure that she knows, darlin'?

**Don't call me darling. And yes she knows. She told someone she knows. Saracen knows she knows. **

And if this doesn't work?

**then we think of plan B.**

**Tanith **China

**China, we have Valkyrie. **

Excuse me?

**We have her. We got Darquesse and we made her let Valkyrie go. **

How?

**You don't believe him. Huh. Uh well the reflection Stephanie knew how to let Valkyrie go.**

And why didn't Stephanie tell us this before?

**we killed her. the reflection. stephanie. skulduggery shot her. twice. in the head.**

I guessed, Miss Low. How?

**The reflection shot her with the sceptre and it turns out that Darquesse wasn't a descendant. I mean she was because Valkyrie was but she wasn't true. She wasn't Valkyrie. Because she had found her true ****name, she wasn't Valkyrie anymore. She was a separate entity. you know different personalities and all that.**

**And then Darquesse faded away. She disappeared like she'd teleported. Then she was back and she collapsed and she had these glowing eyes. then her eyes turned back and Valkyrie was there. Darquesse turned into nothing and Valkyrie emerged from that nothing.**

Like a phoenix emerging from the dust of it's former self.

**Less poetic. There was a lot of coughing and swearing and hugging and kissing.**

Kissing?

**Fletcher was there.**

Oh. Well. Tell Valkyrie that I love her and that I'll see her tomorrow? I'll come visit.

**Valkyrie **China

**Hi. **

Valkyrie! See you've recovered your old phone.

**Yep. **

**So. **

You're back?

**Yes. **

I'm on my way now in a taxi to Haggard. I presume that's where you are?

**Yes, Grand Mage. **

You heard?

**Yep. **

I'm entering haggard now.

**And you said you'd never make me a house visit when I was ill. **

**Skulduggery **Valkyrie

**Wake up you lazy woman, we've got a case to solve.**

Jesus Christ Skul I have been Valkyrie again for A WEEK AND ALREADY YOU HAVE PUT US ON A CASE

**Uh yeah?**

Let's go, you annoying skeleton.

**Let's go, you annoying girl.**

Mr Pleasant, you're still a cynical man.

**Well, Miss Cain, we still do live in cynical times. **

* * *

**_I had to include my favourite Valduggery quote in here. Well, thanks for reading and hopefully the last book will turn out something like that. _**

**_Farewell, minions. XX_**


	10. Chapter 10

**Saracen **Dexter

**Hey, Dex Vex! Where r u? I'm missing you a lot, haven't seen you in a while. Hope all's okay. I mean. We haven't properly spoken since the war. **

**I thought things would be different now.**

**Sorry. That was stupid. **

It's fine, Rue. Just, please, leave me alone. I'm adjusting to living life without three of my best friends. Four, if you count Valkyrie.

**Dexter, please, talk to me. skulduggery's not the same as having you around. He's so focused on getting you back and the reflection, Stephanie, seems to suck up his time.**

**It isn't good, Dex, he's getting used to her as a person. **

Maybe she deserves to be treated humanely.

**No, Dexter, she's a reflection. IT's a reflection. A mere copy of life. **

Rue, go away. Stop this. I can't handle you. Or Skulduggery. Don't try and talk to me for a while. A long while.

**Saracen **Fletcher

**Fletch, have you seen Skulduggery or Stephanie recently?**

No, Saracen, I haven't. I'm sorry but I haven't spoken to Skulduggery for, God, about three months? And only then I said hey and had idle chit-chat.

**Skulduggery doesn't like idle chit-chat. **

Exactly. So it was basically hey, how are you, what's new, where's Darquesse now, what's up.

**I haven't spoken to him for four months. Except an email.**

Email's don't count.

**Exactly.**

Saracen, I have to go. Talk soon?

**Talk soon. **

_Four months later..._

Dexter **Saracen **

Can we talk?

**Wow. The elusive Dexter frickin' Vex asking to TALK? Now I must be hallucinating.**

Don't be an asshole, Rue, I just need to talk about stuff.

**Stuff?**

Stuff.

**Sounds fun, my friend, but I am a very busy man.**

Rue. I'm going to call you. You're going to pick up. We are going to TALK ABOUT THINGS and then you will be civilised.

**Three missed calls from The Asshole Called Vex **

Rue, PICK UP NOW.

Rue: what do you want?

Vex: finally you pick up

Vex: and you call me elusive

Rue: since our little conversation I realised. Why should I be ready to go anywhere at your call? So I got myself a life.

Vex: I miss you all.

Rue: and I missed you

Vex: past tense?

Rue: very

Vex: I took months getting over Ravel and Bespoke and Shudder and Cain

Rue: what's with the last names?

Vex: they can be used as mere adjectives and words, they hold no significant pain. Ravel as in unravel. Bespoke as in tailor. Shudder as in shiver. Cain as in-well, an idiot spelling of cane. And now they hold only a small amount of pain. I will never heal. The scars are too deep but if I numb the pain, talk to my friends, my remaining friends then it will all be okay. Okay?

Rue: touching speech, Vex.

(silence for a minute)

Rue: Rue means regret.

Vex: I know

Rue: I regret every moment. I regret not knowing that Erskine was bad. My power is knowing and I didn't know! How stupid does that make me? How much of a conceited self-centred self-obsessed person does that make me?

Vex: touching speech, Rue.

Rue: shut up, you aren't any better.

Vex: I regret it all too.

Rue: have you heard off Skulduggery?

Vex: I saw him and Stephanie the other week.

Rue: oh?

Vex: they seem to get along

Rue: of course they do, he needs to remember that it isn't Valkyrie. It isn't a real person.

Vex: she's got a personality. _Person_ality.

Rue: that doesn't change anything, Erskine had a personality. A good sense of humour. He's not a person, he's a devil. He's a demon sent from the fiery depths of Hell to condemn us all to misery and a Hell on Earth.

Vex: woah

Rue: I've sort of been writing. Gordon inspired me.

Vex: you've seen Gordon? How is he?

Rue: sad. lonely.

Vex: oh dear

Rue: is that all you can say? Oh dear?

Vex: what am I meant to say?

Rue: shit, I'll go visit him soon and comfort him.

Vex: well that then

Vex: rue?

Vex: damn it

**Vex **Rue

**You hung up?**

Yes

**Why?**

why what? Why don't you care about your friends? Why are you creating a void between us? Why are you ignoring me? Why don't you admit that that kiss meant something?

**Saracen.**

What? Doesn't that name hold too much emotional pain?

**Shut up.**

Did the kiss mean ANYTHING to you?

Or was it just a kiss.

**It was a mistake**

Fine

**It was a mistake to not have taken you back to my hotel that night. It was a mistake to have ignored you for months.**

**It was a mistake to block you out.**

It was a mistake that you made, Dexter, and I can't forgive you yet

**I love you, Saracen Rue, god dang it and I love your smile and your dimples and your puppy fat and your relative shortness and your kissing techniques and I love you.**

Dexter frickin' Vex, you got my heart again.

**I love you.**

I'm sorry. I'll have to take my heart back.

**Saracen...**

No. It won't work. Nothing will ever work again. I am ice and stone.

**I am in love with you.**

And I you but it isn't enough.

**We deserve happiness **

I can't do it. I can't admit that everything in the last couple of months, the pretend playboy act was a ruse.

**I love you so much **

As a boyfriend?

**As more.**

As a love of your life who you want to spend your remaining 500 or so years with?

**As that. Maybe more.**

**possibly more.**

**Definitely more.**

**More.**

**More.**

**More.**

More.

_Oops this turned vaguely Dexcen-y. Ah who gives a shit when they are the most perfect gay 'ship in the whole goddamn series? (monster hunters run a close 2nd). And I say vaguely Dexcen-y but it's got a strong STRONG tone of Dexcen running through here with several fuck you's to the reflection. _


	11. Chapter 11 : The End

_Welcome to the Final Chapter of Text Me Skullish. Set after LSODM._

**Stephanie **Skulduggery

**Hey what r we doing today?**

We're hunting Darquesse as usual.

**Oh yh u told me yesterday :D**

Today is not a day for smiles, Stephanie.

**What? Why?**

it has been exactly one year since ghastly and Anton's death and erskine's demotion as my friend.

**oh. I forgot it was today. I thought it was next week. I'm very sorry, Skulduggery, I miss them too.**

No you don't. You never knew them.

**Through Valkyrie's memories I did **

Darquesse's memories, there is no Valkyrie anymore

**Skulduggery **

Yes?

**Never mind. Let's go Hunt Darquesse.**

China **Skulduggery **

Skulduggery Pleasant! Where have you been? Only Stephanie came to the sanctuary briefing this morning and I know it's the anniversary of your friends deaths but I would like to have someone I fully trust in the meeting as Stephanie isn't one that one would trust.

**Sorry**

Skulduggery I expect more than one word. I wouldn't even mind if you replied in the atrocious 'text talk' of this generation as long as you just TALK to me. I don't want us to become distant.

**I'll be back at work tomorrow **

Not good enough, Detective, there are three hour gaps between I sending my messages and you reluctantly, I gather, replying. where are you? Stephanie has been here all day, prowling through our filing cabinets. I don't know if that is what she is supposed to be doing or not. Anyway, I don't like that someone who tried to murder Valkyrie and succeeded in murdering her cousin is looking at the Sanctuary's personal papers.

**She's meant to be doing that **

Aren't you supervising her? What happened to the iron fist Skulduggery Pleasant kept over his friends? To make sure they didn't get hurt?

**Look what happened to Ghastly and Anton, that didn't work, did it? And Larrikin and Hopeless.**

**And Valkyrie.**

Skulduggery, I wouldn't have thought that you'd turn into an egotistical self-centred mopy bastard who only cares about what he couldn't do, not what he could achieve.

**I wasn't egotistical and self-centred before?**

I presume so but as you blanked me out for a couple of years I can't remember. It'd be better if you spoke to me so I could judge you again and make sarcastic comments.

**She's gone, China. **

Who has?

**Don't play dumb. Valkyrie. She has gone. And she's not coming back. Darquesse's good mood swings now.**

Don't be so incredibly stupid. She is coming back. You know why? Because we have a new 'weapon' against Darquesse. Doctor Nye has been working with souls for a while now. He experiments and he practices. Yesterday, I received a call from Roarhaven Prison. That Nye had made a breakthrough with his work.

**What are you trying to say?**

At this very moment, Doctor Nye is experimenting on a captured Tanith Low, with Billy-Ray Sanguine in a jail cell under constant supervision. How does it feel that Ghastly's hopes and dreams have finally been accomplished?

**They haven't been accomplished until Sanguine is dead and buried and Tanith is married to Ghastly.**

We have made Sanguine sign a treaty, he promises that we can murder him if and only if he commits a crime or goes against us. Other than that, he is treated as one of us. He is now a Sanctuary agent, Detective.

**That son of a bitch does not deserve that title.**

Yet he has got it. We are on low supplies of agents and operatives as the lifespan seems to be getting lower for any Sanctuary worker. Look at all those killed in Davina's blast or in the Siege of Roarhaven.

Skulduggery, I don't want this. I don't want him there. But let him, okay? Let him be part of this.

Skulduggery? Stephanie has told me that you had a rather brash argument with her last night. Are you coming in today?

Stephanie's rather upset. You said hurtful things and its not that I don't dispute them, it's that you need to work together to defeat Darquesse.

**Ok **

**Tanith **Skulduggery

**I'm here. It's me. Oh my god. Skulduggery. I can't believe this. The last couple of years are a big blank hole in my memory. Guess that's what it was like for Ghastly as a statue. I remember Valkyrie being possessed then oh my god I woke up with Nye hanging over my head. I heard. About Ghastly. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm so sorry. You knew him longer and better but my heart. Is. Breaking. I can't. Deal with this. It's too hard. I can't do this anymore. I was told about how he. Died. And I. **

**I'm sorry. Skulduggery. About Ravel and Shudder and. Ghastly. Ghastly.**

**Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly.**

**I guess I'm rambling and repeating myself. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Nye and the nice doctor woman told me that I'm in shock. Shock. Shock. It's like a shock. To my heart I mean. And I can't handle shock. I never was good with bad news. That's when bad news didn't affect me. That much. Now. It. Affects me. Everyone. Everything in my life. Changed. Shock. Shock. Shock. God. God. oh my god. Ghastly. **

**Valkyrie. Darquesse. I can't believe she didn't. Tell me. More shock. Shock. I heard all the stories. Dead men tales. Legends now. The war. How did I. Do in the war. Apparently I was trying to save. Darquesse. Valkyrie. I don't know. Anything anymore. Shock shock shock. Valkyrie Valkyrie Valkyrie. Darquesse. Three words for three deaths. Shudder Valkyrie ghastly. **

**Ghastly. Ghastly. Ghastly. Oh my god. Ghastly. **

Ghastly.

**Skulduggery **Stephanie

**Stephanie please come to my house at 10pm. Me and Tanith shall be there. Waiting for you.**

Uh sure? I guess I'll sneak out. Or I'll tell mum that I'm sleeping at Hannah's. Should I come earlier?

**No.**

**just 10pm. Would be perfect.**

**Thank. You.**

**Tanith **Sanguine

**Have you done it yet?**

No. Are you sure that she knows, darlin'?

**Don't call me darling. And yes she knows. She told someone she knows. Saracen knows she knows. **

And if this doesn't work?

**then we think of plan B.**

**Tanith **China

**China, we have Valkyrie. **

Excuse me?

**We have her. We got Darquesse and we made her let Valkyrie go. **

How?

**You don't believe him. Huh. Uh well the reflection Stephanie knew how to let Valkyrie go.**

And why didn't Stephanie tell us this before?

**we killed her. the reflection. stephanie. skulduggery shot her. twice. in the head.**

I guessed, Miss Low. How?

**The reflection shot her with the sceptre and it turns out that Darquesse wasn't a descendant. I mean she was because Valkyrie was but she wasn't true. She wasn't Valkyrie. Because she had found her true ****name, she wasn't Valkyrie anymore. She was a separate entity. you know different personalities and all that.**

**And then Darquesse faded away. She disappeared like she'd teleported. Then she was back and she collapsed and she had these glowing eyes. then her eyes turned back and Valkyrie was there. Darquesse turned into nothing and Valkyrie emerged from that nothing.**

Like a phoenix emerging from the dust of it's former self.

**Less poetic. There was a lot of coughing and swearing and hugging and kissing.**

Kissing?

**Fletcher was there.**

Oh. Well. Tell Valkyrie that I love her and that I'll see her tomorrow? I'll come visit.

**Valkyrie **China

**Hi. **

Valkyrie! See you've recovered your old phone.

**Yep. **

**So. **

You're back?

**Yes. **

I'm on my way now in a taxi to Haggard. I presume that's where you are?

**Yes, Grand Mage. **

You heard?

**Yep. **

I'm entering haggard now.

**And you said you'd never make me a house visit when I was ill. **

**Skulduggery **Valkyrie

**Wake up you lazy woman, we've got a case to solve.**

Jesus Christ Skul I have been Valkyrie again for A WEEK AND ALREADY YOU HAVE PUT US ON A CASE

**Uh yeah?**

Let's go, you annoying skeleton.

**Let's go, you annoying girl.**

Mr Pleasant, you're still a cynical man.

**Well, Miss Cain, we still do live in cynical times. **

* * *

**_I had to include my favourite Valduggery quote in here. Well, thanks for reading and hopefully the last book will turn out something like that. _**

**_Farewell, minions. XX_**


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